Videos

Self Doubt, that is.

Here is one conundrum that is handled rather differently by Zen and Psychology.  For several decades now, shrinks & mothers have been in the business of trying to shore up self-esteem. "Good Job!" and chase out the self-critical voices.  Oprah has joined the team as we try to see the best in ourselves.  But Zen says: Doubt away!  There is No Self.

When my friend Marta asked me to do a little (no pressure!) dance at a Festival, I panicked. "Riddled with doubt" is what I was.  Just then, I opened the mail and in it was a poem written by my mother: On Doubt.   Here is what I did with it:

My favorite jam, utterly unavailable--making me utterly dependent.   Jar1 and Jar2 offered for your enjoyment only.  Not exactly Film Fest material, but quite cathartic to make. 

Inspired by Cho's gestures, energy, and mission, a group of dancers celebrate human diversity in all its splendid manifestations.

Directed and Edited by Elena TaJo

Conceived and Choreographed by Irene Ruiz-Rivera

Music by Steve Elson

Come see it on the big screen at Anthology Film Archives on June 28th!  7pm.   Part of an excellent series curated by New York Women in Film and Television.

A montage to honor the courage it took to face death for a year.  The workshop "A Year to Live," based on Stephen Levine's book, was held at the NYC Village Zendo, guided by Roshi Enkyo O'Hara and Robert Chodo Campbell.

Ripe1: Mommy Doll Gets Old, an amalgam of documentary and performance art, skewers our ideas about aging.  Psychologist video-maker Elena TaJo wrestles with a midlife crisis by asking the question:  What do you think of when you think of “Old?”  Does it mean it’s time to give up?  Does it mean we lose our minds?  Does it mean it’s time for plastic surgery?  Or does it mean wisdom?  The Answers, which come from friends, family, and mentors, are woven into play with her daughter, juxtaposed against advertising imagery, and finally abandoned when she realizes the truth of Getting Old.    Total running time:  11:14

In July of 2006, when the NY Court of Appeals upheld the law against gay marriage, I was crushed. It was the final straw on the camel who had been limping since our beloved Bill signed the so-called "Defense of Marriage"act. Remember? I was crushed by anger and shame about benefiting from an unjust law just because I am in a heterosexual partnership.  What if I had fallen for a woman?

So many of my friends were hurt by this state of affairs that I offered to publicly divorce my guy, make a film of it, and start a sort-of boycott by moral heterosexuals.  My gay friends then set me 'straight' on the matter.  Told me I would be a fool to give up the legal and financial rights.  I really didn't know what they were talking about.

Well, I found out:  Gay "Marriage"   Running time, 12:13 minutes.

Martyred Mom Cracks Her Shackles!  arose out of deep frustration over the seeming impossibility of reconciling motherhood and self-fulfillment.   The video tells the story of a devoted mother’s tortured journey from martyrdom and guilt to freedom and possibility.   Elena TaJo (mother, psychologist, performer) talks to mothers, dives into family history, and seeks therapeutic advice.  Finally she uncovers the paradox of self-sacrifice and sets herself free.   A percussive score woven together with performance art and visual metaphor add energy and humor.

The original 54 minute cut, Martyred Moms:  The Price of Sacrifice, played to a packed and appreciative house in Nyack, NY, and was chosen as a NewFilmmakers Feature at Anthology Film Archives in New York City.   It also screened at the Motherlode Conference of the Association for Research on Mothering (ARM) in Toronto.   This 35-minute version (slightly less personal) has been shown in numerous Mother's groups as a trigger for discussion, liberation and support. 

Trailer is available here.  The full video will not be available until long past my daughter's teenage years.